You know that first time that you have to take that step. That one step that leaves you feeling vulnerable. That first time you tell someone that you love them. The butterflies in your stomach, the choking of the words, and that sense that you are losing control. You don’t know what the response will be, you don’t want to get rejected, you don’t want to catch a glimpse of uncertainty in their eyes. You want to see belief. You want to grasp a mutual feeling. As you search for this, look for it, you don’t want to be mislead. You don’t want to be told just what you want to hear, you want the truth. But, there is still that moment. That leap of faith moment, where you have to utter what you really feel.
No, I am not telling someone that I love them for this first time… However, as this year winds down, I am starting to plan my goals not only for this year, but for the next 2 years…the next 6 years and beyond. My family knows what I want to do. Now it is the time to start telling some other people. My coach. My team director. Etc.
I got to discuss my goals, my true, real goals, with my coach, Charlie Livermore. We got to talk about my last 6 weeks of racing, and then where we are now, and where we can go into the future. Charlie is great because he doesn’t feed me what I want to hear, but instead he approaches the situation, the goals, realistically and tells me that I better get ready for the ride. I have to buck up and get ready to work hard. The things that have come easily for me, will still come easily, but I will need to take on a new approach. Get ready for some hard work, some dedication, and some determination.
I am not one to discuss my workouts here, but today was great. It was great, not because it was easy or what I wanted to do. If you know me, I don’t think high cadence is a party by any means… However, it was structure, it had a purpose, and it was what I was supposed to do. I nailed it. Kind of. Actually, I started to fade towards the end. But that makes it a good workout, right? When you have to dig to find something to finish it. Find anything within yourself to complete it. It wasn’t perfect, but it was good.
The three hours I spent with CL yesterday at EPTC not only proved that I can talk just about anyone’s ear off, but that I can take the next step towards my plan for the next couple of years. The good news is that I do not have to do it by myself. I am so blessed to have the support of God, family, friends, and a great coach.
Hopefully I have more days like today, but I know that everyday won’t be like this. I need to take this day, and file it. File it for the days where I am prescribed to do something that I don’t want to do. Something that is hard, and not fun. I need to remember my goals, remember my plans, and buck up and do that hard stuff too.
It is all a leap of faith, but it is nice to have a plan as well.